Hogwarts Hi-Jinks
by xero.sprinklz
Summary: When three siblings find themselves swept away from their (somewhat) normal lives and into a well-known fiction, strange things are bound to happen. Will Erin be able to focus long enough to find a way to get them home? Will Amelia be able to contain her inner fangirl? Will Jaxon be able to keep them from going insane while his older sisters run amok? Probably not.
1. Not My Fault

**Chapter 1: Not My Fault**

That morning, they all knew that something wasn't right. Erin actually woke up early enough to eat breakfast and Amelia wasn't in her usual "grumpy zombie" state. Jaxon was the first to notice, Amelia second, and Erin vaguely thought how odd it all was but dismissed any further contemplation. The youngest, only brother glanced up from his finished plate of waffles and eyed his older sisters warily. Erin was too busy stuffing her face to bother and Amelia was on her cell phone, scanning her newsfeed.

Finally, he spoke up. "I don't think we've actually had breakfast together since we first moved into this apartment. This is weird."

Amelia frowned but didn't look up. "It is a bit strange for us but normal people do this all the time."

The eldest sister gave the middle child a dull look. "I thought we had already established that we are very much _ab_ normal."

She shrugged but didn't argue, it was a well-known fact that their family contained the weirdo gene and it was most definitely dominant.

Jaxon shook his head and stood from their small table to wash his plate. His instincts were waving red flags but, other than having a pleasant morning with his sisters, there was no real immediate danger. He did his best to ignore the feeling of impending doom and decided to treat the day as any other.

It wasn't until later in the afternoon that shit hit the fan.

* * *

It was just about 2pm and the trio had just finished lunch and were now sitting together in the living room. Erin was sprawled out on the loveseat while Amelia and Jaxon were sharing the couch. Amelia had proposed they watch a movie and the other two were too lazy and bored to protest her choice in films. Though the brother had no strong opinions, the eldest sister made it a point to remind Amelia of her great dislike for Harry Potter (or Hairy Pooter as she called it). Unfortunately, Erin had already gone into full blob-mode and had no motivation to move from her spot. So, she kept her whining to a minimum and let her younger sister have her fun.

It was just as the Hogwarts Express was starting it's journey when Erin snapped out of her half-daze and sat straight up, stiff as a board. Her younger siblings jumped, startled at the sudden movement, and gave her curious look.

"You ok?" Amelia asked, trying to see her face.

Erin didn't say anything for a long moment before placing a hand on her lower abdomen and groaning. "Guys, I feel funny."

"What do you mean?" Jaxon prodded.

Erin looked back at the two of them, somewhat pale and grimacing like she was in pain. "It tingles, and not in a good way."

The younger siblings glanced at each other and approached their eldest sister cautiously. "Want us to help you get to bed?"

Just as they both placed a hand on her shoulders, they all felt a tugging sensation in the general area of their bellybuttons. That was the last they could recall before they blacked out.

* * *

 **[ Erin ]**

I'm not sure how long I was out but when I finally came-to I was lying on the floor in a tangle of limbs. Thankfully, neither of my siblings had rolled over and suffocated me in my sleep or, well... I wouldn't be alive, I guess. So, moot point.

Shoving an arm and leg off of me, I sat up to look around and make sure everything was functioning and accounted for. Seeing no damage on myself, I scanned Jaxon and Amelia and came to the same conclusion. Now to figure out where we were.

I stood shakily and looked around the small space. It was somewhat outdated but there's no mistaking the tiny compartment. "Are we... on a train?"

Bending down, I tried shaking my sister awake. Knowing it would take nothing less than the loudest alarm clock to wake up my brother, I didn't even attempt to rouse him.

It took her a minute but Amelia finally opened her eyes and glared at me like the grouchy half-pint she always is in the morning. "What do you want, Erin? Can't you see I'm sleeping?"

"On the floor? In a train? Heading who-knows where?" I asked, sarcasm dripping off every word.

That made her wake up completely. "What!?" She sat up and looked around blearily andrubbed her eyes, not entirely believing what she was seeing. "How did we get here?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I just woke up." With a yawn, I stretched and moved to sit on one of the benches. "Any idea where we are?" I asked, pointing out the window at the beautiful landscape passing us by.

Amelia stood up and looked out the window for a long moment before shaking her head. "I have no idea. It isn't familiar to me."

Just then, Jaxon finally decided to wake up. Groggily, he sat up and rubbed his face. "What's going on?"

We both gave him a tired look before Amelia stated, "We're on a train and we have no idea where we are."

Jaxon blinked and looked around before shrugging and moving to sit on the bench on the other side.

"Some help you are." I grumbled but hadn't really expected him to know any more than we did.

We all jumped when the door opened and a small frizzy-haired girl stuck her head in. "Oh! I didn't know this compartment was occupied! Have any of you seen a toad? Neville here is looking for it."

All of us shook our heads and she made to leave before she paused and looked at us a little closer.

"You're not students. Are you professors?" she inquired, eyeing our clothes curiously.

I stared blankly, not entirely sure what she was talking about. Professors? She's obviously British with that accent. Are we in England?

Before I could voice my questions, Amelia jumped in and took over. "Not exactly, we're joining apprenticeships. My name is Amelia Wallis. This is my older sister, Erin, and my younger brother, Jaxon." she introduced. We nodded and each gave a halfhearted greeting.

Frizzy-hair straightened and blushed lightly. "Oh! I'm terribly sorry for being rude! My name is Hermione Granger and this is Neville Longbottom." The shy boy who had been standing behind her the entire time, peered around her and gave a small wave. "We're both first years at Hogwarts!"

"How very exciting! We're from the United States, so we didn't attend Hogwarts but we've always wanted to see it."

 _'Speak for yourself.'_ I thought, bitterly. The pieces were starting to fall into place and I wasn't exactly happy with the picture they were making.

The girl's eyes sparkled with curiosity, it reminded me of my sister when she was about that age. "I guessed as much with your accent. I read that there was a school in America but there isn't much about it in any of our school books." It looked like she was about to continue when the dark-haired boy behind her cleared his throat. "Oh! I'm sorry, Neville! Let's continue looking for Trevor. I hope we can talk more later, Miss Wallis! Nice to meet you all!"

When the door closed, we all sighed in relief. Jaxon and I turned to Amelia with incredulous looks. "You can't be serious." I mumbled, "This can't possibly be happening!"

Amelia sighed, defeated. "It looks like it."

Jaxon shook his head, disbelief coloring his face. "So we're in a movie? Or is this the book?"

With a shrug, she only replied with, "Not entirely sure. She looked almost like Emma Watson but... I can't say for sure."

We all fell silent, each lost in our own thoughts. After a few moments I looked up and decided to announce:

"I just want you both to know that this is totally not my fault."

They both gave me dry looks before glancing at each other and smiling.

"Do you agree that we should blame Erin?" asked Amelia, completely ignoring me.

Jaxon nodded. "Everything is Erin's fault. It has been decided."

I could only throw up my hands and make a displeased noise.

 _'Oh, what fun we'll have. Why couldn't this have been something fun? Just my luck to be stuck in the world of Harry Potter.'  
_

 _ **To be continued...**_

* * *

Well, there you have it! Yes, it is a bit short but it's more like a prologue than anything. I promise from now on they will be much longer. Please review and let me know what you think so far! Also, if anyone wants to collab on this, do let me know! As of now, it's mostly going to be focused on Erin but I will include the other two's perspectives from time to time. Everyone else will just be written in third person.

I'll have the first chapter up soon!


	2. Weird Gets Weirder

**Chapter 2: Weird Gets Weirder  
**

 **[Erin]**

It's official, there is a god and he hates us. Ok, so just me. Jax and Amie aren't exactly disappointed to be thrown in the world of Harry Potter. Hell, Amelia is just about to burst she's so excited. She hides it well, but I can tell. Sister's intuition. Jaxon's a bit worried but not unhappy.

Just me, then.

It's not like I hate the books, I just don't care for them. They never interested me. Maybe it's because I hate high school and everything to do with it. Which is what Hogwarts is. A glorified magical high school for all the weirdos. Yes, weirdos. Have you seen the way the dress? Speaking of which...

"Were those suitcases up there before?" I asked, pointing up at the objects in question.

My siblings simultaneously looked up and shrugged.

"Didn't notice them before." Amelia poked Jaxon and demanded, "Get them down for us."

Being the tallest, he was always made to reach things otherwise unobtainable for Amie or myself. Poor Jax.

Our brother merely grunted his exasperation before pulling the three suitcases down. Oddly enough, they had our names on them. We eyed them warily before looking at each other, daring someone else to open them first. Eventually I sighed and gave up. Cautiously, I unbuckled and opened the case to find...

"Robes? and paper?" Befuddled, I pulled out the papers as Amelia and Jaxon opened their own suitcases.

The papers were transcripts and other important looking papers. I scanned the transcripts and realized they were _mine._

"Liver morning? Pick wedgie? The hell is all this?" I fumbled with the papers in frustration.

Amelia cleared her throat. " _Ilvermorny_ is the school in America, Massachusetts specifically. _Pukwudgie_ is one of the houses."

With a blank look, I asked, "And what does that mean?"

She sighed and explained, "The house is named after a magical creature. Pukwudgies are short, human-like creatures that look like a cross between a goblin and a porcupine. They don't really care to be around humans but they still show up for work every year at Ilvermorny. You better read up on it, there's information about the houses here." Amie pointed to a piece of paper on the floor that I had dropped.

"Ah. I guess it can't be helped." I gave the window a mournful look before picking up the paper and reading all about my not-house.

Turns out, we were all given different houses. Amelia was placed in Thunderbird (yes, I'm very jealous) and Jaxon was put in Wampus.

"Aside from Thunderbird, these houses have weird names. Then again, I suppose _Hogwarts_ and its houses don't exactly have normal names either. Why are magic people so weird?" I grumbled, looking over the information on the other houses.

Amelia just rolled her eyes and Jaxon was too busy looking over his papers to pay me any attention. The jerk.

After we all were satisfied with our research... on ourselves... we decided to sift through the rest of the stuff in our magical suitcases.

"So... why do witches and wizards dress like it's Halloween all the time?" I asked, holding a black and purple dress up for inspection. I wasn't happy about wearing dresses but at least one of them was purple. We each had three outfits in our suitcases in different styles and, oddly, our perfect fit. This wasn't strange at all, nope.

Amelia gave me a dry look. "Erin, these people are pretty much secluded from the rest of the world. They have their own styles and tastes that are completely separate from Muggles."

I sniffed and glanced at my brother who was holding up a dark red shirt. "How come he gets to wear pants? I want pants."

Amelia snorted and bit back a giggle. "You better get used to calling them trousers, "pants" means "underwear" over here."

Blowing a raspberry, I pouted and eyed the other two dresses and robes. All of it was black but one was accented with dark green and the other aquamarine blue. I didn't hate the color schemes but I still wasn't happy about them all being dresses. "All the same, I'd rather have jeans."

My sister just shrugged and said, "Tough luck."

I gave my brother an envious look as he dangled the _trousers_ in my face. "Poor Erin has to be a lady," he mocked.

Narrowing my eyes, I stuck my tongue out at him and pulled out the purple dress and matching robes and decided it was time to change.

Jaxon stepped out to give us some privacy to change. We both turned our backs to each other and did our best not to hit each other in the tiny compartment.

"Amie, help me!" I whined, pointing to the laces on my back.

"Only if you help me first."

I turned to tie her laces, making sure not to tighten them too much, before turning around for her to repay the favor. When we shrugged on our robes, we opened the door and let Jaxon change while we stood outside. When he was done, we all looked over each other. Amelia had chosen to wear her black and dark blue outfit while Jaxon had gone for black and dark red. I noticed our dresses were of slightly different design but they seemed to suit us.

"Aren't we looking spiffy?" I said, adjusting my robe. It was like a very long poncho, hanging down to mid-thigh.

Amelia picked at the blue designs on the sleeves of her robes. Hers was more like a cross between a bathrobe and a graduation robe. She just shrugged and looked at Jaxon.

"Well, at least we'll blend in." Jaxon said, tugging his collar.

We all piled back into the compartment and got to brainstorming on a convincing story based on all the information on the papers. We needed to be ready when we got to Hogwarts.

* * *

Not even 30 minutes after agreeing on a story, the train screeched to a halt and they gathered their belongings. They waited a few minutes for the large crowd of students to exit the train before they followed. It was getting dark, the sun was about to set, and the three of them took a moment to take in their surroundings.

They didn't notice a certain greasy-haired teacher approach them until he cleared his throat. All three siblings jumped and turned to see the one and only Severus Snape.

"You three, come with me."

They followed him to a carriage and once they were piled in, it immediately started moving. All three of them had to ignore the creepy looking horses pulling it.

"Now, I suppose introductions are in order. I am Severus Snape, though you may have already guessed that. Let me say this now: Just because you are distant family does _not_ mean you get any special privileges. You are to obey all rules and regulations. Do I make myself clear?" he stated, eyeing each of them.

Erin made a strangled sound that was quickly cut off with a sharp jab to her side. Jaxon had stiffened but Amelia only clenched her hands before jabbing Erin with her elbow before she exploded. All three of them had not seen this coming.

"Crystal clear, Severus."

He gave Amelia a look. "Good." His gaze shifted to Erin and his eyes hardened. "Especially you, Erin. No tomfoolery. Your mother sent a letter last week with a warning that you tend to get into mischief."

Erin visibly deflated and grumbled under her breath. "Curse that woman."

When he focused his gaze out the carriage window, they exchanged a glance. It was all silently agreed that things were getting stranger by the hour and none of them really knew what to expect. What was going on and why was it all happening?

Not long later, they found themselves sitting at the head table surrounded by teachers. They were told this was only temporary and after today they could sit where ever they wanted among the students or staff.

Amelia watched with rapt attention and Jaxon did his best to listen. Erin had zoned out completely. When her sister glanced over and noticed the blank look on her face, she jabbed her in the side which caused Erin to make a pained noise and twitch.

The only people to notice were the closest teachers who only gave her a curious glance before refocusing on the sorting.

"Pay attention, airhead!" Amelia whispered, giving Erin a warning look.

The oldest sibling gave her a sneer but turned back to notice a familiar name being called and a frizzy-haired girl stepped up to the hat.

"Griffindor!"

And the table with her new house cheered. The loud noise was giving Erin a headache. Jaxon looked like he was also mildly uncomfortable with the volume.

Erin gave her brother a pitiful look before she lifted her hand and signed 'I am bored. This is boring.'

Jaxon just shrugged and Amelia, having caught her, gave her a withering glare.

'Tough luck. Shut up.'

None of them had ever perfected American sign language but they knew enough to communicate with each other. It was something Erin convinced her siblings to learn out of boredom one day.

"Malfoy, Draco!"

All three of them turned their attention back to the hat, which was now being placed on a small blonde boy with a name they all recognized.

"Slytherin!" cried out the hat. Erin couldn't tell if it had even touched the boy's head.

The cheers were less loud but no less enthusiastic.

Erin turned to her sister and waved a hand to get her attention. Of course, this also got Severus' attention as he was sitting right next to her.

'He's adorable! Can I keep him?'

Amelia scowled. "No, idiot, you can't keep him."

Erin gave a pout. "And why not?"

"Because he's my godson. Now be quiet." Severus' quiet voice made both women jump and they obeyed, giving one last glare.

"Potter, Harry!"

Their attention was quickly focused on the thin, dark-haired boy with glasses walking toward the sorting hat. All three siblings exchanged a meaningful glance. It was a good long while before the hat finally stopped mumbling and cried out, "Gryffindor!"

The room, which was silent as the grave not moments before, exploded with cheers from the Gryffindor table and all three Wallis siblings felt like they were going to go deaf.

"Mis oidos!" lamented the eldest sister, covering her ears.

"Are they always so loud?" asked Jaxon to nobody in particular. It went unanswered because nobody heard him.

* * *

After all the pomp and circumstance was done, the Headmaster introduced the Wallis siblings. They stood and waved before sitting back down and Dumbledor finished up by announcing a few new rules and then the food appeared.

It was quite shocking for the siblings but they pretending not to be surprised. They were delighted to notice a few of their favorite dishes along with some unknown. It was decided they were weird European food and mostly bypassed them.

Erin nearly cried tears of joy when she saw a plate of Korean barbecue, which she promptly horded. Jaxon managed to snag a few pieces of meat for himself before it was completely consumed.

Amelia saw Snape give her sister a disgusted look and spoke up. "You'll have to forgive her, she's completely obsessed with the stuff. Our mother did her best to pound proper table manners into her skull but Erin is... Well, special."

Jaxon didn't bother holding back a snicker.

"Hey! I can be prim and proper when I want to be!" Erin declared.

Her sister merely raised a brow. "I have yet to witness it."

Erin shrugged. "Why should I? Not like I really care for anyone else's opinion when I'm already amazing." She sat up straighter and gave a smug grin before taking a drink of water, deliberately avoiding the pumpkin juice.

Amelia rolled her eyes.

"Yea, amazingly dense." commented Jaxon.

Erin sent him a dirty look before being distracted by dessert. Her eyes lit up and she was once again concentrated on the food before her.

Severus only shook his head and ignored the trio. They were _very_ distant cousins, most definitely. Though he did notice a few family traits here and there, most of it must be influenced by their American upbringing. The letter from his great aunt (several times removed) warned him that her children were quite boisterous when together but less energetic when separated. He would see that soon, he supposed. It was odd that she would suddenly reach out to him and ask for a favor but he could tell her concerns were well-founded.

Though Jaxon was the most subdued, he didn't exactly condone his siblings squabbles or behavior. Amelia seemed sensible but her sister brought out the fire in her. And Erin, the eldest sibling, had a wild and childish personality that was nothing like a Snape that he almost would have thought she was adopted. Except for the glint in her eyes and the confidence she exuded.

They were all three very different from each other with nearly opposing traits but, somehow, they seemed to mesh together. Sibling rivalries aside, they looked like they would work well together. Probably.

He was shaken from his inner musings when Erin leaned toward him to peer up at his face.

"Yes, can I help you?"

She cocked her head to the side and eyed him with a calculating look that reminded him that she was, indeed, part of his bloodline. Suddenly, her face morphed into an impish grin and he stiffened.

"We're all pretty tired. Do you know where we'll be sleeping?"

Severus relaxed and stood, having already finished eating long ago.

"You'll each be staying in guest rooms near those you will be apprenticing under." he said, catching the attention of Minerva and Pomona. All of them stood and Severus introduced them to each other.

"Pomona, Minerva, these are my cousins: Erin, Amelia, and Jaxon Wallis." The three siblings waved with varying degrees of enthusiasm at their names. Then he indicated the teachers. "This is Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout. Jaxon, you're with Pomona. Amelia, you're with Minerva. And Erin..." he paused, looking back at the purple-haired woman, "You're with me."

The siblings said their good nights to each other, promising to meet up in the morning for breakfast, before they were lead away by their mentors.

Severus glanced down at the green-eyed woman who was only vaguely paying attention to where they were going. The only reason why he agreed to the apprenticeship was because he was curious but now he wasn't sure if he still wanted to go through with it. Surely this distant cousin of his would cause him trouble. He hadn't even heard of the Wallis family before. It was all very odd and the timing wasn't exactly the best but... perhaps.

After he showed her the room she would be occupying in the dungeon, just a few doors down from his own living quarters, he left to retrieve the Slytherin students.

Meanwhile, Erin got ready for bed. She paused after washing her face, staring at her own reflection. _'You can do this, Erin. Things will work out and you'll find a way home. No sweat.'_

Her mental pep-talk didn't lift her spirits much. This wasn't a dream come true for her, it was a nightmare. Erin didn't know as much about this world but she was certain that it wasn't going to be all fun and games. Weird things were happening and they had no answers to their silent questions. It wasn't like they could ask why they had suddenly found themselves in a fictional world full of magic and a nose-less psychopath.

Erin ran a hand through her damp hair and tussled her short, purple locks in frustration. She was worried, her brain was working a mile a second and she was determined to find a way home before shit hit the fan.

 _'We don't even know **how** to perform magic! Let alone that we can!' _ she thought before letting out a strangled scream and throwing her arms in the air to release some tension.

A nearby vase suddenly shattered into a million shards, causing her to jump. With wide eyes, she quickly cleaned up the mess and hoped nobody noticed. It didn't _look_ particularly expensive, so she hoped it wouldn't be missed.

"That wasn't my fault either... nope." she mumbled under her breath as she climbed into bed. It was another hour of tossing and turning before she finally fell asleep.

* * *

If you haven't guessed by now, this is mostly going to be crack... Haha. Also, it's only rated M for the strong language. Mostly. Erin has a potty mouth.

I've had this idea sitting in my head for a while and my sister once encouraged me to write it... so, here it is! I can't guarantee it will be good. I could use someone who is a total HP nerd to help me with the finer details since I'm not very well-versed in the HP world. I would ask my sister but she's terribly busy lately... no help at all!

Review and you shall receive internet hugs!


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